Pre Hike 3 May 2018

I am in Chicago. Just arrived. I have a 2 hour layover before boarding the Amtrak Southwest Chief which will take me to Los Angeles. The journey has started. I splurged and upgraded to a sleeper when I booked my ticket. This way I don’t have to worry about meals on the train and I can lie down each night to sleep. I am looking forward to seeing the expansive landscapes of New Mexico and Arizona. It’s been many years since I was there performing with Kota Yamazaki. Right now I am in the Metropolitan Lounge at Union Station where I can sit and hopefully relax. Amtrak just announced a wine tasting for travelers waiting in the lounge for their trains. Sounds good to me 12pm - noon!

The morning was spent staring out the train window at the hazy landscapes of Ohio and Indiana. The overcast sky bursting with occasional rain left mud filled pools of water along the tracks reflecting the grey overhead. Sometimes a fine mist would hang delicately in the air, faint laced fog hovering and whispering and then shivering into nothingness. I had planned on continuing my research on the train but I found myself staring out the window with my thoughts full and weighted.

My father drove me to the Cleveland Amtrak station at 1:30am this morning to catch the 3:27am train. I barely slept last night and can feel the coming fatigue from traveling mixed with the lack of sleep. I was reminded of the countless times my father would wake up in the middle of the night to drive me to various trains, buses, or long eight hour driving trips to New York City. At 19, he and I drove to New York City with all of my college materials and clothes to begin what would be my life in New York City starting with my studies at NYU. The dorm I had been scheduled to live in had not been completed so I - along with all of the other residents - was given a room at a hotel in midtown near Penn Station. As my father drove into the city, I stared at the huge buildings trying to absorb the huge energy and masses of people bustling along the sidewalks with strident purpose. It was exciting and also alarmingly new. Would I too walk those sidewalks and feel like I belonged? We unpacked the car and got everything to my room. I was overcome with the realization that I was in New York City and about to begin my film studies. How would I get to the classes in Greenwich Village? How would I choose which classes to take? How would I..... ? And then my father left, eager to drive home and get out of the busy city. The final goodbye and “be safe’ was one of many carefully placed moments where my father had to leave me as I embarked on a new voyage in my life. And I will admit that each time I felt a momentary desire to go with him and remain in the comforts of the familiar. I never felt abandoned. But I did feel incredibly small and very much alone in my surroundings. After one week in New York City I called my father and told him I wanted to come home. With determination he told me to stay and keep trying.  And I listened to him and thus New York City became my home for over 25 years. It was absolutely the right choice at that time in my very young life. And now at 51 - so much older and filled with abundant life experiences - I find that I still experience that small insistent pull to remain in what I know and trust. But I am stronger than that seductive yearning and thus I follow through with the farewells. And I board the train and let the speed and direction carry me forward into the very near future. And toward the adventure of the Pacific Crest Trail.






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