I’ve been in Ohio almost a week.  And every day creates more distance and space from New York.  I allow that time-based distance to settle and calm the rough-edged panicked thoughts from the past 5 days.   And loading up my pack, putting it on and walking through the Ohio countryside brings me much needed physical accomplishment.  I feel good after each hike  - both physically and mentally.   I love walking and feeling the breeze on my skin and hearing my breathing change as I push up and over the gentle hills.

I’ve been in Ohio for 2 days.   And I am still not settled.  My mind is still thinking about the past week and the final moments leaving New York City.   I have so much work to do these next 24 days before I depart for San Diego.   I don’t really have time to dwell on the fact that I now have no employment, no apartment to come home to each night, no more income.   Yet those thoughts are lingering in my mind with a kind of frantic rush that is momentarily sending me into clouds of disheveled panic.  What have I done?  Really, what have I done?!

It’s not easy to say goodbye.   And I find each moment when faced with uttering those words filled with weary confusion and waves of sadness.   So many final moments.  During the past few days I found myself thinking “this is the last time I will…”.   And then I would just move on without dwelling on the sentiment.   Because to give in to that kind of hyper emotional overdrive would unwillingly force me to question my decision to leave New York and contemplate missing the people and city  I have grown to love.

One step closer.   Today the movers came to take most of my belongings to storage.   I had previously sold my sofa, bookcases, floor mirror and chaise lounge.  I don’t miss them at all. The movers took my boxes of books, desk, dresser and kitchen items.   And now my apartment is fairly empty and it feels refreshingly spacious and open.   I have one more week in New York City.  One more week.

I stumble through my day with my thoughts drifting toward the hike and being away from my life in New York City.  I go through the motions at the gallery trying to remain engaged and needed but realizing that my tenure is really over and I no longer need to worry about two weeks from now and the new problems that are already beginning to form

In less than two weeks, I will be in rural Ohio to finalize my preparations for the PCT.   As I continue to pack and refine my gear, I find my mind drifting toward nostalgia as I prepare to depart the city I have lived in for over 25 years.   Oh those early years when I was in my 20’s and the city was captivating and both glorious with monumental beauty juxtaposed with grit and  rough edges.

Many years ago a friend gave me an antique rotating globe of the earth as a gift along with a beautiful and intricate handmade card.  Inside the card, he had written “Michou, the world is yours”.  I’ve kept them both over the years.  As I begin the arduous process of packing up and moving out of my apartment, I thought about just throwing the globe out.  Why pay to keep it in storage or move it back to Ohio?  The base is slowly rusting and it’s worth nothing.  But this rotating earth on a rusting base has become a symbolic reminder that the world is huge and filled with endless possibilities.

When I was a child, on raining days my younger sister and I would take a couple of outdoor reclining lounges and fold them up so that the foot rest and head rest created two walls.  Then we would take large sheets of clear plastic and drape them over the walls to create a canopied roof.   We would sit under the tent-like structure with our books and games and let the water cascade down around us.    The sounds of the rain on the plastic lulled us into a quiet reverie of make believe and wonder.  

I first learned about long distance hiking from my father.   He once told me that there was a foot path from Georgia to Maine called the Appalachian Trail and that one could walk through the landscapes of the Eastern United States and experience all the beauty of the forests, ravines, rivers and lakes and mountains in a continuous journey.   And from that moment, I dreamed of one day experiencing the excitement of going on a great adventure.